There Was A Boy?
by AppleZeri
Summary: Zomg I updated? It's a Rocky Horror/Moulin Rouge crossover with Frank x Christian slash. O.o
1. There was a, erm, boy?

Disclaimer: I do not own Rocky Horror, and I'm not making any money from this. I am losing money by writing stuff like this rather than getting a real job.

Authors note: After a year and a half I looked back on this story and thought "Uuuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhhhhh (et cetera)" because it SUCKED. What kind of crack was I on, anyway? But then I rewrote the first two chapters, and will get around to doing the rest this week. Then, maybe..._just maybe_...I will finally get around to finishing it. ...Darn it...I suck. (shakes fist at myself) Anyway...if anyone is too out of character I'm sorry. If Rocky Horror/Moulin Rogue is a bad fusion, I'm sorry. If this sucks...I'm sorry. Also, I like Columbia, but I'm a bit mean to her in this story. I'm sorry...again. The end. Please enjoy. (ha!)

Common sense: "Talking" _/Thinking/_

* * *

A pair of red lips fade in on a black screen. They begin to sing, in a nasal drone.

_"There was a boy_

_A very strange, enchanted boy_

_They say he wandered very far, very far,_

_Over land and sea_

_A little shy, and sad of eye,_

_But very wise, was he_

_And then one day,_

_One magic day he passed my way_

_And while we spoke of many things,_

_Fools and kings,_

_This he said to me_

_'The greatest thing you'll ever learn_

_Is just to love and be loved in return "_

* * *

_There Was A...Boy?_

_Chapter One_

I had only just arrived in Paris two days ago, young, foolish, full of beans. I didn't have a place to stay, nor did I know anyone there, but I had to escape my father, who was always criticizing me for my belief in love, and for my desire to be a writer, instead of something more stable and secure, such as a lawyer, or a banker. I quickly found a place to stay at a small, decrepit apartment building and set up my typewriter. I sat for hours a day, wracking my brain, but unfortunately getting no more inspiration here---in the city of love---than I had back home. But today, as fate would have it, someone dressed in a black suit and a gold and pink party hat crashed through my ceiling and landed right on top of my typewriter (with quite an impressive _!crack!_ I might add). Then, just as suddenly as this all occured, my door swung open, and a man with a hump on his back, and long blonde hair (though was bald on top) barged in.

"Oh, _so_ sorry. We were just rehearsing our play, and it seems Rocky got a tad bit too excited. Do forgive us." He said through his nose.

"Erm. ...Sure..." I sputter out, not quite knowing how else to respond. For one thing the deed had been done, for another this dude was freaking me out.

"Pardon me." he said as he stepped past me and bent over the person that had fallen through my ceiling. "Oh he's dead," he lamented, looking up through the hole in the ceiling at a muscular man with blonde hair and a tan. "You've killed another one Rocky, you bad, bad boy!"

"Ugh!" was all the blonde man responded with.

Then a woman with a sickly pale face, and impossibly frizzy red hair appeared in the hole alongside the blonde man

"So now how are ve going to finish rehearsals if Rocky keeps killing the main actor?" she deadpanned in an accent I didn't quite recognize.

Then all three turned to look at me, as if I of all people could help them.

"Won't you come up and have a drink? I think there is a little favor you could do for us." The freak said.

Against all shred of common sense I had, I went ahead and went up with him...not that I had much of a choice since he had taken me by the wrist and dragged me to the stairs before he could even finish his sentence. He pushed me through their apartment door and slammed the door shut behind us. All in all there were five of them: of course the freak, the red haired woman, and the muscular man with blonde hair and a tan, but there was also another girl with red hair, but hers was short, and impossibly straight instead of frizzy, she wore multicolored sparkly shorts, a sparkly gold jacket, and a top hat to match, and she was tap dancing to music being played by the fifth person, who was an old German man in a wheelchair. The girl with the sparkly outfit she saw me, and danced over to me.

"Hi! I'm Columbia! What's your name?" she said in a voice that not only grated on my eardrums, but on my nerves as well.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over your outfit." I said, though I didn't mean to and I suddenly felt like a pompous goat. But apparently all was well because she just laughed (momentarily making me wish I had offended her afterall.)

"I know it's a bit loud... it's my costume for the show we're putting together. Anything for the sake of showmanship!"

"I mean I think it's neat..." I fibbed, "it's very, erm, er..ummmm...eye-catching."

She just laughed again, and backtracked to where we were before her shorts interfered. "Your name?"

"Oh, sorry. My name is Christian."

Just then the freak came over with a bottle of green liquid and escorted me over to their set they had put up for rehearsal. He introduced himself as Riff-Raff, and the redhaired woman as Magenta, his sister and girlfriend. I already knew Rocky's name from moments earlier, and the man in the wheelchair was called Dr. Scott. They then dressed me in a corset, knickers, stockings, and garters and resumed practicing their show. For awhile I didn't know what to do, or why I was there, or how it had come to pass that I was a 25 fucking year old man standing in a room of strangers wearing women's lingerie. Not to mention the fact that I had no idea how to discreetly dislodge a killer wedgie...

_/Damn French and their French cut briefs.../_

"NO NO NO! You're doing it ALL WRONG!" Riff-Raff screamed at Rocky for the fifth time in the past half hour, and began chasing him about the room brandishing a candlabra.

"I grow veary of this show! Vhat happened to the beautiful idea ve had, vhere did everything go wrong?" Magenta suddenly wailed, finally losing her patience. Seeing such an unlikely display from his longsuffering sister/girlfriend, Riff-Raff immediately dropped the candlabra and rushed to her side, taking her hands and rolling their arms together in a movement that appeared to pacify her.

_/God I wish I had just stayed in England and became a lawyer.../_

Apparently while I had been drifting off into my own little world everybody had gotten themselves sorted and had resumed rehearsals, because before I knew what was happening Rocky came over to me, hoisted me onto his shoulder, and proceeded to spin around in circles until I was about to blow chow.

"Whoa whoa whoa, let's just back up a few feet and park!" I screamed, hitting his back and kicking my feet until he set me back down. "What's the big idea there, buddy?" I said as I poked at his chest, forcing him to take a few steps back.

"Ugh! Ugghhh!" he replied with sincereity.

"Christian, please, we are trying to carry on with rehearsals!" Riff-Raff bellowed.

"I'm not going to partake in such...such _nonsense_! I don't even know what I'm doing here in this silly little show! And maybe if you change the script around a little bit, this behemuth wouldn't keep killing all of your actors!"

"What do you suggest we do then? Let YOU write the script?" Riff-Raff mocked, just before a look of absolute enlightenment crossed his face.

Everybody in the room looked at each other and smiled.

"Christian, my boy, I'm sorry I snapped at you just now," Riff-Raff said as he put his arm around my shoulder and lead me over to the others. He sat me down and explained their situation.

"We could really use your help right now."

"But I'm already helping you...?" I said, looking down at my high heels.

"Yes, well, we could really use your help as a writer, rather than an actor."

_  
!ping! _

"Writer! You want my help as a writer! Good gravy, this is the job I've always wanted!" I said, smiling.

"So you'll do it then?" Columbia asked, excited at the prospect of possibly having a better show to act in.

"I will!" I said, as I stood up triumphantly.

"Fantastic." Riff-Raff said. "Now we just need to introduce you to our friend who can make all of this come to life."

With that said we all took a drink from the bottle with the green liquid.

* * *

Next Chapter: Meeting Frank 

Whee.


	2. Meeting Frank

Disclaimer: Look at the name of this website. _(eyeroll)_

Author's note: Revised. Yay. End.

Common Sense: "Talking" _/Thinking/_

* * *

There Was A...Boy?

Chapter Two

That night we all went down to the Moulin Rouge, I was to be introduced to a friend of theirs, a dancer there, who would have to review some of my work so I could be the writer for their show. We were seated in a little cove off to the side and I watched as people in tuxedos danced and sang.

"It's just a jump to the left, and then a step to the ri-i-i-i-i-ight, put your hands on your hips, and bring your knees in ti-i-ight, but it's the pelvic thru-u-ust that really drives you insa-a-a-a-a-ane...LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"

Riff-Raff poured me a bit of absinthe, which in the past hour had become my new best friend, and I gulped it down as the others chanted "Chug chug chug chug chug!" or pumped their arm and yelled "Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!"(1) Suddenly the lights dimmed, and everyone got quiet.

"Ahh," Riff-Raff said "Here comes our friend now." He leaned over to me and whispered "The Spawkoween Diamond."(2)

I stared as an elaborate elevator in the center of the room descended. Once it reached the bottom someone in a cape stepped out and started softly singing.

"How d'you do? I, see you've met my, faithful handyman. He's just a little brought down, because when you knocked, he thought you were the candyman. Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by it's cover, I'm not much of a man by the light of day, but by night I'm one hell of a lover!"

Suddenly the person tore off his cape, the lights brightened, and everyone started joining in.

"I'm just a sweet transvestite, from Transexual, Transylvania..." he continued to sing, but I could barely hear the words, or notice all the excitement around me. I could just stare at this most beautiful creature I had ever seen, clad in thigh-highs and a corset, with the most awesome fro I had ever seen on a white man. But I snapped out of it when Columbia, who apparently was upset about the food she was served, jumped up, started screaming, and tried to storm away dramatically, but instead tripped over the foot of the personat thetable next to us and fell down. Whilst trying to keep herself from suffering the embarrassment of falling face down ass up, she unfortunately grabbed onto the only thing available, which happened to be the tablecloth of the table adjacent to us, and managed to pull it--and all the food and drinks on it--down onto herself, and became entangled in the cloth.

"Whoopsiedaisy!" she chirped.

"What the deuce!" the person whose foot she had fallen over exclaimed.

"Tsk, ohhhh." Magenta sighed sympathetically (or as sympathetically as she could get) and got up to help them.

"I apologize for my incompetent friend..." she told the party at the next table.

While this went on, the magnificent Transvestite Frank turned to his manager, Zidler, who was dangling a pearl necklace over his head, and inquired about his...er...sleeping arrangements for that night.

"Is the Duke here, Harold?"

"Liebchen, would Daddy let you down?"

"Well where is he?"

Zidler turned to make sure the Duke was where he was meant to be.

"He's right over there, the one Magenta is talking to."

Just as Frank turned to see, Magenta turned back around to me and asked if she could borrow my handkerchief.

"Are you certain that's the Duke?" he asked Zidler, and Zidler turned to be quite certain, but by that time Magenta had already taken my handkerchief and was now back to speaking to the Duke.

"That's him, sugarpop. I hope that demonic little mongoose doesn't scare him away before your time has come."

"Will he invest?"

"Pidgeon, after a special supper with you, how could he refuse!"

"What's his type? ...Sweet transvestite? Or...super smokin' hot sweet transvestite?"

"I'd say super smokin' hot sweet transvestite!"

With that said they parted ways and Frank made his way over to me, thinking I was the Duke. He finished his song by shaking his ass in my face. Everyone clapped and a new song began. A large group of people stampeded over and tried to get Frank as their dance partner, but Frank refused.

"I'm afraid it's tranny's choice." he said as he extended his hand for me. I hesitated but with a little nudge from Magenta I took it.

"I see you've met our English friend Chr..." Riff-Raff started to say but Frank interrupted

"I'll take care of it, Freaky."

And Frank and I stepped back onto the dance floor. He took my hand, and we began to dance.

"It's so wonderful of you to take an interest in our little show." he said to me

"It sounds exciting. I'd love to be involved."

"Oh, is that so?"

"Yes...provided you like what I do."

"I'm sure I will." he said, raising his eyebrow in anticipation.

"Riff-Raff said we might be able to do it in...private."

"Did he? Well honey, I can do it any time, any place."

After we danced I went back to my new friends and Frank finished his final number and got back into the elevator and disappeared.

"Come, you must prepare to impress him." Riff-Raff said, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the exit.

"You must feel very lucky. Some people would give their right arm to go up to Frank's elephant." Columbia said, practically running to keep up with us.

"Some people like you, perhaps?" I asked

"Ha! _I've_ seen it!" she said proudly.

* * *

(1) - Arsenio Hall, for all of you ill-informed young people. 

(2) - Unnecessary, but I couldnt help myself

Next Chapter: Surprise.

Sweet.


	3. Surprise

Disclaimer: I wasn't alive when Rocky Horror was created. So nyer. 

Author's notes: More revisions. Yay. (But that doesn't necessarily mean it's any better...)

Common sense: "Talking" _/Thinking/_

* * *

_There Was A...Boy?_

_Chapter Three_

Not too long after his final performance for the night Frank retired to his dressing room and prepared for the Duke's visit.

"Should I wear the black sparkly corset...or the red sparkly corset?" he asked his reflection in the mirror. "The black sparkly corset? Oh yes, I agree darling." he said, blowing kisses at himself before getting dressed.

Meanwhile I was standing in the elephant, becoming more nervous by the second. What if he doesn't like the way I write? What if he _does_? Before I was ready Frank opened the door and gave me a devilish grin.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to get straight to the point..." I said

"Ah, my thoughts exactly." he replied. He then put his hand on my shoulder and pushed me over to the bed.

"Actually, if you don't mind, I'd kind of rather do this standing up."

He gave an evil giggle. "Whatever shizzles your nizzle, baby."

"You don't have to stand though. It's quite long, and I want you to be comfortable."

Frank's eyes lit up and he screamed in delight. "How _marvelous_! I assure you, no matter where I am, I will be com-for-ta-ble."

Then he sat back on the bed and waited. ...But I froze and forgot all the things I had wanted to say.

"Something wrong?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

"I'm just a bit nervous. Sometimes it takes awhile for...inspiration to come."

"Oh I see." he got up. "Well then tell me, does THIS inspire you?" he said before deeply kissing me and licking my tonsils. Needless to say I was quite shocked and thought about pulling away, but then I decided I liked it, but then I decided it was wrong and decided to pull away, but it was too nice so I decided to enjoy it, but then I decided I really shouldn't be doing this so I decided to pull away.1

At this time Riff-Raff, Magenta, Columbia, Rocky, and Dr. Scott had come over to have a peek at the progress their newfound hope was making with Frank. The first four climbed up the elephant's tail, and Dr. Scott was left crying out.

"Vait, vait! Vhat about me?"

"You can stay here and catch us if we fall." Riff-Raff said, not wanting to bother with him.

"Ach! Damn kids these days...never respecting their elders..." Dr. Scott rambled on, shaking his fist.

The rest of group made it to the top of the elephant and looked in through the window just as Frank was kissing me.

"Looks like he got the job!" Columbia said. Then they saw me pull away.

"No, I can't do this, it's not what I'm here for..."

"Oh yes yes, I know...but it isn't all bad, is it? Not even half bad, I think you really quite enjoyed it."

"Yes...I mean no! I mean..."

"Oh come on, Duke, admit it, you liked it, didn't you? There's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure, Duke. Oh Duke, you've wasted so much time already..." he said embracing me. I was dizzy with pleasure and felt his arms around me for a few moments before realising what he had just said.

"Duke..." I whispered. "I'm not a Duke."

He let go of me suddenly, causing me to lose my balance and land on my butt with impressive force.

"Not a Duke?"

"I'm a writer." I wheezed out.

"A writer?"

"Yes, Riff-Raff thought..."

"_Riff-Raff_? ...You're not another of Riff-Raff's oh-so-talented, charmingly Bohemian, yet tragically impoverished protégés are you?"

"Well, you might say that..."

"Oh _NOOOOOOOOOO_!" he squealed. "I'm going to _kill_ that freak!"

Just then there was a knock at the door. "Are you decent for the Duke?" Zidler called out from the other side.

"Hide!" Frank said as he shoved me under a table. Then the door opened and an ugly man stepped in. Frank took his hand, kissed it, and said "Enchanté. How wonderful of you to take time out of your busy schedule to visit."

"The pleasure, I fear, will be entirely mine, my dear."

Frank gave his evil giggle. "Oh I fear so too."

He then looked over at me sticking my head out from under the table, giving him a disappointed look. He tried to ignore me.

"Don't you just love the view?" he asked the Duke, pointing out the magnificent view of Paris from the elephant's window.

"Charming." the Duke said, ignoring Paris and admiring Frank's hot tranny ass.

_/Has that guy got some nerve.../ _I thought to myself, while trying to psychically send Frank a message telling him to please postpone his meeting with the Duke. Frank spared a glance over to me, checking to see if I was still well hidden underneath the table. _/Yes! It's working/  
_

Suddenly Frank pulled the Duke over to the bed and said "Let's make love!"

_/No! No! You asshole/_

"Ooh!" was all the Duke managed to get out.

"I knew you felt the same way!"

They wrestled around a bit, but then Frank saw me under the table and suddenly said "You're right, we should wait."

"Buh!"

"Yes, until opening night."

"Opening night?"

"For the show."

"Show?"

"Yes, you should go now."

"Go?"

Annoyed with the Duke for repeating every last word he said he picked up an electric carving knife and chased the Duke from the room with it. Then I came up from under the table, stomping my foot to get those nasty pins and needles out.

"Do you have any idea of what could have happened if the Duke found you here!" he snapped at me, before a thoughtful look crossed his face. "Ooh...threesome..." he mumbled, then looked back at me and wrapped his arms around my neck and smiled. Then he frowned again and said "What were we talking about?"

"I, erm..."

Then the Duke opened the door and started to explain that he forgot his hat, but having caught what was supposed to be _his_ date for the night with his arms around someone else, turned a (quite beautiful, I must say) vibrant shade of red, and yelled "FOUL PLAY!"

Frank quickly covered. "No no, dear Duke, not foul play, _OUR_ play!"

"Buh?"

"Yes, you filled me with such inspiration, I decided we really ought to be working on our show."

"Oh really! Then where's everyone else?"

Just then Riff-Raff, Magenta, Columbia, and Rocky burst in through the window.

"Magenta!" said the Duke

"Duke!" said Magenta

"Magenta!" Riff-Raff yelled

"Riff-Raff!" Magenta said

"Rocky!" yelled Frank

"Ugh!" Rocky said

"Magenta, you...know this earthli--this….person?" Riff-Raff said.

"Yes."

"Oh...okay."

Just then Zidler came in the room and began profusely apologizing to the Duke.

"Oh dear Duke, I'm so sorry, I-"

"It's okay Harold." Frank said "The Duke knows all about our _emergency rehearsal_."

"Emergency rehearsal?"

"Yes, the Duke seems keen to invest."

"Invest? ..._INVEST_!" Zidler said as he put an arm around the Duke's shoulder.

"Well before I invest I'm going to need to know what this show is about." the Duke snidely commented.

"It's about pirates!" Columbia screamed.

"No! It's about love!" I exclaimed.

"Love?" the Duke said, not impressed.

"And it's set in exotic Switzerland!" Columbia screamed again. I kicked her shin.

"India INDIA! It's set in India! It's about...it's about a sitar player and his courtesan, who get a flat tire one night, and end up...er...uhm...in a castle full of...erm," I looked at Frank "full of transvestite aliens."

"Intriguing."

"Well, since you think so, let's go down to my office and discuss your investment, shall we?" Zidler said and lead the Duke out of the room. The rest of us looked at each other awkwardly.

"Well." Columbia said. "That was awkward."

"But now that the Duke has invested in our little show," Riff-Raff said "I suggest we go get down with our bad selves."

"Yes, let us go and party hardy." Magenta said, and they all lead me away from Frank.

When we reached the bottom of the elephant we found that Dr. Scott had been eaten by tarantulas, as he is no good in this story after all. Meh. We went back to the apartment and cracked open a new bottle of absinthe.

* * *

(1) -To constipated people: I'm not stupid...the overuse of the word decided was intentional. He's flustered and not thinking straight...HA! GET IT! No? DX

Next Chapter: Love Atop An Elephant


	4. Love atop an elephant

Discalimer: I. Do. Not. Own. Rocky. Horror. ...Geez, you people and your suing frenzies.

Author's note: Revised! Still short! Less stupid! (slightly)

Common sense: Mou...if you can't tell that "this is talking" _/and this is thinking/_ by now, you shouldn't be using a computer at all.

* * *

_There Was A...Boy?_

_Chapter Four_

Later that same night, while everyone else was 'getting down with their bad selves' as Riff-Raff had (so disturbingly) suggested, I decided it would be best for me to go down to my own place and try to get some writing done. But I couldn't, I couldn't even get one single word typed...I could only think of that sweet transvestite. And the noise upstairs wasn't helping either, as I have never found incestuous moaning to get my creative juices flowing. What a time for writer's block! Looking for inspiration I got up and looked out of my window, which happened to have a pretty good view of the Moulin Rouge as well as the elephant in front of it. And, unless my eyes were deceiving me, there was Frank sitting right on top of it! I couldn't help myself and I left my room to go over to talk to him. I rushed over as quickly as my poor feet could carry me (nobody ever told me high heels were that painful!) and climbed up the elephant's tail. Once I reached the top and regained a normal, steady heartbeat, I went up to Frank and touched his shoulder.

"Fra-"

"Gah!" he screamed as he whirled around to slap me, causing me to lose my footing and fall all the way down to the groud. "Oh! My bay-he-by!" Frank exclaimed when he realized it was only me. I rubbed my bruised tailbone (which, if you remember, had already been abused earlier that evening) and climbed back up. "What are you doing here?" Frank asked as soon as I reached the top.

"I just...I was just thinking about earlier tonight, when you...when you kissed me. Did you...mean for it to..."

"Mmmm no, I'm just a horny motherfucker. Why, did you think I actually (snort)_ loved _you?" he said, supressing his giggles.

"Well I..."

"No dear, I can't fall in love with anybody."

"Can't fall in love? A life without love, that's...why that's terrible!

"No! A life on the street, with no.. (_sob_!) no... (_gasp_!)... no sex is terrible!"

"But...but love is oxygen!"

That caused the scientist in Frank to look at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. "You're kind of stupid, aren't you?"

"No no no, that was a figure of speech."

"Oh. Sorry. But still, it is a bit foolish to believe that love is that important. All it does is tie you down. Variety is the spice of life you know."

"You're just saying that because you've never been in love and don't know what you're missing."

"Well have you ever been in love?"

"Yes! I-"

"Puppies don't count."

"Oh. Well no! But I think, maybe, tonight, for the first time I-" I stuttered, beginning to blush, until I heard Frank making gagging noises. "Please, Frank, be serious!'

"I am being serious! You're the one that's being silly, thinking you're in love with me! You've known me for three hours, and yet here you are ready to profess undying love. And on top of that, this job is my home. I can't afford to love anybody."

"My father is old and rich, and I'm an only child."

"...Really? Hmm... And how much exactly does he have in the bank?"

"Oh...half a million, if I remember correctly."

After reviving Frank we reviewed the entire situation and discovered that there were more pros than cons to my side afterall.

"Aw heck! Well, before we get into this any further, there is something I must tell you." he said and sat me down.

"Oh my God...you're dying of consumption aren't you!"

"Er...no."

"Oh."

"I..." he began, taking my hands into his. "I'm not really a woman."

I stared at him, dumbfounded.

"Like...duh."

"(_Gasp!_) You mean you know!"

"Like...duh. The first time I saw you, you sang a song telling everyone you are a transvestite. Plus, you like, don't have any, like, boobs. And, I mean your knickers don't hide that much. And your name is Frank."

"Oh. Well in that case I mean I..." he took my hands again. "I'm an alien."

I stared at him again.

"Like...duh."

"_(Gasp!)_ You mean you've known THAT all along too?"

"Yeah. The first time I saw you, you sang a song explaining that you're from Transexual, Transylvania."

"Oh. Well then, now that there are no secrets between us, come here my little lover muffin!" he exclaimed before sucking half of my face into his mouth and reaching his hand down the back of my trousers.

"Wait!" I said, pulling away and gasping for air.

"Tsk, don't change your mind _now _pet."

"No, it's not that, it's just..."

"Yes?"

"I've only ever kissed before."

"You mean you're..."

"Uh-huh. I thought there's no use getting into heavy petting. It only leads to trouble and seat wetting."

Happy as a clam, Frank took my hand and stood up.

"Oh honey! I can make you a ma-a-a-a-aaan!" he exclaimed, then lead me into the elephant.

It looks as if my poor bottom is about to be abused for a third time tonight...

* * *

(sweatdrops)

Next Chapter: Pianists (hehe) and Picnics


	5. Pianists and Picnics

Disclaimer: I do not own Rocky Horror! (glare)

Authors note: I edited a lot of this chapter, changed some characters, and changed the title since I removed the hilarious Farkle scene :( (The hilarious Farkle scene was, in fact, not hilarious at all) I still don't like it very much, but I guess it's okay for something I only work on when I'm insane with boredom.

Common sense: "Talking" _/Thinking/_

* * *

There Was A...Boy?

Chapter Five

The following day Frank and I arrived at Riff-Raff and Magenta's apartment to work on the show with our hands in each others back pockets, to let everyone know we were going steady. Riff-Raff informed us that Rocky still had yet to show up, and knowing him, it would be awhile before he found the right apartment number, so I thought it would be a good idea to take a seat; however I quickly regretted that decision, seeing how Frank had insisted I was not yet 'man enough' seven times the night before, and it seemed sitting down was going to be rather uncomfortable for days to come. Just as I finally found a comfortable position to sit in, there was a knock at the door.

"Oh, for Pete's sake!" I cried, standing up again.

Riff-Raff went to open the door, revealing a woman who was soaking wet and clutching a newspaper.

"Are you…" the woman paused, checking her soggy newspaper quickly "Roff-Roff?"

"My name is Riff-Raff."

"Oh…sorry. My name is Janet Weiss. May I come in?"

"…You're wet."

"Yes. It's raining."

"That's funny, it was perfectly clear when we got here five minutes ago…" I muttered aloud, looking out of the window and seeing that it was in fact storming now.

Riff-Raff allowed her in after he made her take off her shoes, and implored her to state her business quickly since we needed to get on with our show with or without Rocky.

"I was shielding myself from the rain with this newspaper when I noticed this ad here saying you guys need a piano player because…the old one was eaten by tarantulas?"

"Yes, that's correct."

"Is that a common hazard of this job, or…"

"No, that was the first time that has ever happened."

"Oh, I see. Well I was wondering if I might try out for the job because-"

"Can you play the piano?"

"Well, of cour-"

"You're hired, congratulations. Now where's Rocky?" Riff-Raff said grumpily as he stalked off to look for the behemoth.

I went over to Janet with a towel so she could dry off, and noticed the hesitant look on her face.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it." I assured her, giving a polite smile, which Frank noticed and seemed to take the wrong way.

"Well really!" he bellowed "That's no way to behave on your first day _OUT_!"

"Aw, but Frankie baby!" I cried, sticking my lower lip out in the most pathetic pout I could manage. "I didn't mean it like that! You know I love you!"

Frank glared at her for a moment, then gave in. "But, since you're such an exceptional beauty, I'm prepared to forgive you."

I smiled, and was about to leap into his arms, however I was interrupted by Rocky crashing through the front door and cheering about the fact that he had found the right apartment number by himself.

"Let's get cracking on this shall we?" Riff-Raff ordered.

We all eventually gathered and tried to work on the play, but I found it rather hard to concentrate since Frank kept putting his tongue in my ear. Eventually Riff-Raff signaled the end of rehearsals, and suggested we work alone for awhile, which I figured meant he thought Magenta looked really good that day, and he wanted us to leave. Frank insisted I take a break and go over to his place, but I resisted him in favor of getting more work done, which I can do better when he's not around. He never gave up, though, and as I tried to do some more writing in my own apartment I was still distracted by being able to see him standing on top of his elephant making obscene hand gestures at me. I was thankful for the invention of drapes that day, otherwise I might never have finished the first act.

The next morning I arrived at Frank's elephant to go over my new ideas for the show, and because I felt bad for ignoring my little Schnooky-Poo-Poo. But a few minutes after I arrived the Duke burst in.

"Ready for our picnic my sweet?" he said with glee.

"Oh, but Duke, Christian and I have so much fuc-...writing to get done before our next rehearsal."

"But Pooh-Bear, Zidler promised me you'd go out with me! And if he doesn't mind, I don't see why you both can't do it in my presence."

"Mmmm very well. Come slave." He said to me and took my hand. He stopped short, and coyly corrected himself "Did I say slave? Haha! I meant darling… (cough)." Then we went after the Duke.

After an exhausting ten minute walk, we came to a spot on a hill with some trees and a little lake. As the Duke was laying out the picnic blanket Frank spied a bottle of wine in the basket and with one swift move picked it up and smashed it over the Duke's head. He then dragged him into a boat and pushed him out to the middle of the lake, giggling manically.

"Oh my, Frankie, what was that all about!" I asked, horrified.

He came over to me and said "Don't be upset...it was a mercy whacking. He had a certain naive charm, but no muscle!"

"Don't you think he'll figure out who did it?"

"…Nah."

He then took my arm and we skipped home, leaving the poor Duke to get sunburned.

Later that week we were in the Moulin Rouge watching the stage being set up. Frank and the Duke were sitting together, and I was backstage with the others going over the script and music and waiting for the other actors to arrive… Okay, okay, so I was mainly spying on Frank and the Duke from behind the curtain. The Duke was waxing on about all the adventures he's been on---such as hunting elephants in Africa and manatees in Brazil and bald eagles in the Americas. Meanwhile Frank was playing with a Cootie Catcher and wondering where he could get a good burger after the show. Unable to stand it any longer, I went over to them.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I was wondering if we could work on the '_Will the two lovers be meeting in the sitar players humble abode_' scene after rehearsals?" I asked Frank

"But cupcake, I've arranged for us to have supper in the old Frankenstein place for this evening!" the Duke whined

"But dear Duke, this show is very important and we should be working on it as much as we can. We _shall_ work on the '_The two lovers will be meeting in the sitar players humble abode scene_' tonight, and we shan't stop until I am completely satisfied."

The Duke began crying, and Frank excused himself to go 'powder his nose', which really meant 'go make out with me in the balcony' heh heh. Noticing his main source of income was crying, Zidler went over to the Duke to see what was troubling him.

"What seems to be the matter, Duke?"

"Frank said he wanted to work on the play with Christian tonight instead of have supper with me at the old Frankenstein place!" He said, pausing to sniffle dramatically. "He said it was…it was…m-more…im-_important_!" he wailed miserably.

"Oh no, dear Duke! Frank is just being shy, that's all! He's nervous about spending an evening all alone with you, and he just wants to be certain he's prepared. I assure you, Frank _will_ be at the old Frankenstein place this evening."

"(Sniff sniff) Really?" the Duke asked, voice wavering and lip trembling.

"Yes…" Zidler assured, looking up at the balcony where he could see our shadows entwined with each other. Giving the Duke a BlowPop, he turned to go up the stairs to see what the heck we were doing. He arrived just as I was leaving to go back to the stage.

"What, exactly, do you two think you're doing?" he hissed at Frank.

"What ever do you mean, Zidler?"

"Don't act innocent with me! I saw you two together!"

"Oh….crap."

"If the Duke finds you out the show will be ruined! WE'LL be ruined! The Duke holds the deeds to the Moulin Rouge!"

"Oh don't be silly!" Frank started "I'm only humoring Christian so he'll stick around and finish writing the play. It's tough being so darn attractive, I tell you!" he said, adding a full body Pose-O-Misery for additional effect.

Zidler raised a bushy eyebrow. "Just be careful, we've come this far with the show, don't let a silly little infatuation obliterate it all." He warned before turning back to go downstairs to give the Duke the Heimlich since he seemed to have swallowed his gum.

* * *

Next chapter: Broken Dates

(sad)


	6. Broken dates

Disclaimer: Disclaimers mean crap, however I do not own Rocky Horror or Moulin Rouge. I am debating whether or not to even claim this story as mine.

Authors note: This is apparently a transitional chapter, as it is absurdly short, and I couldn't be bothered to add to it while revising it.

Common sense: "Talking" _/Thinking/_

* * *

There Was A...Boy?

Chapter Six

That night both the Duke and I waited for Frank in our respective dwellings. As the time passed by and Frank did not show up I started to wonder if maybe he had chosen to go to the old Frankenstein place with the Duke. I felt guilty- after all I loved Frank, and I didn't want to suspect things about him, I wanted to be able to trust him. But I also knew he had never been known to stay with anyone longer than one night, and I feared he grew tired of me already. Little did I know the Duke was having the same feelings I was, as Frank had_not_ shown up there either.

"You promised me Frank would be here Zidler, it's now half past ten and he hasn't shown up. And I had gone through all that trouble to make the boob shaped Jell-O for him too!" the Duke sobbed.

"He's confeeeessssiiiiiiiiiinnngggg!" Zidler yelled, coming up with the only excuse he could manage on the spot.

"There's no need to shout, I'm not deaf you fool. And what kind of an imbecile do you take me for Zidler?"

"No, it's true...he said you made him feel like a..._virgin_."

"Who? Frank? Virgin? Haha...oh that's rich."

"He was beat...incomplete. He'll be yours...till the end of time, cuz you made him feel...yes you ma-a-a-a-aade him feel, SHINEY! and new, oohhhhhhhhhh like a virg-"

"Can it Zidler, and come over here and help me eat this boob shaped Jell- O."

While both the Duke and I worried that Frank's affections were waning, over at the elephant a force stronger than love had overtaken Frank and kept him from reaching either of us: Life-giving alcohol. When Zidler told Frank he had to either see the Duke tonight or end up on the street, Frank had thought the only way of dealing with spending an evening with the Duke was to get smashed, and smashed he got indeed, but soon he was incapacitated and ended up passing out on the floor. Upon awaking the next afternoon he thought to himself how unglamorous this was, and then worried about both me and the Duke-would the Duke take back his investment? Would he have to end up on the street and become a free-lance whore? Would I still be willing to let him sodomize me? All the thoughts going through his head were too much for him at once so he went to cuddle with himself in the mirror to feel better. Later that day he made it over to my apartment.

"Where were you last night?"

"I told you, I was drunk."

"You don't have to lie to me."

"I'm not lying baby."

I had to look away from him, because his beauty sometimes clouded my thinking and I'd believe anything he told me, and even though I hated doubting him, I now realized I couldn't let him fool me anymore. But he turned my face back to him.

"On opening night, I'll have to sleep with the Duke, and it will drive you mad. And make me vomit."

"I won't get jealous. We'll make up a song, and no matter what, when you sing, or whistle, or hum it you'll remember I love you..."

I jumped up on my table and began to sing.

"_I don't want anybody else, when I think about you I touch myself_-"(1)

"Christian please, don't embarrass yourself." Frank interrupted.

"Then what do you suggest we do?" I inquired, jumping back down to the floor.

"I don't have any ideas about what we could do about the Duke...but I have an idea of what we can do to keep our minds off of him..." He said as he lead me to the bed.

* * *

(1)- 'I Touch Myself' by The Divinyls, which I also do not own, by the way.

Next chapter: Moron Rouge


	7. Moron Rouge

Disclaimer: I do not own Rocky Horror. I do not own Moulin Rouge. I have, however, PWNED BOTH OF THEM.

Author's notes: ...Boy, that sure was a bad case of writer's block! Hahaha! DX Sorry. It's been nearly two years...I'm a bad, bad person. I switched fandoms, so I didn't really have the motivation to work on this until now (other than the revisions, which I might add if you've already read this story before September 2005 I would suggest starting from the beginning, as I've changed quite a bit of the previous chapters. If you're new, then nevermind) This new chapter...isn't my best work, but it will do to get this story finished, which I still insist on doing. I haven't seen either of these movies in ages, so I don't really know what I'm doing anymore. But whatever. Just read it. Thank you.

* * *

_There Was A...Boy?_

_Chapter 7_

The afternoon following Frank's Folly was not meant to be a pleasant one, no matter how good of a job Frank did worming his way out of it.

I situated myself over by the stage and nonchalantly watched as Frank pawed and flirted with the Duke.

"Drunk? But Zidler told me you were confessing…he said I made you feel like a…..like a virgin." stammered the Duke.

"Err….did I say drunk? I meant to say confessing! Haha! Same thing, really!" Frank covered.

Luckily for Frank the Duke was an innocent little fruit, and eventually accepted Frank's word. Once things had been ironed out we went onward with rehearsals. Everything went just swimmingly up until the end, when a random harlot meandered over to the Duke.

"I think this ending is silly. Why would the commitment-phobic transvestite alien fall for the penniless writer? OOPS! I mean_ **sitar player**_!"

"Hmm yes," started the Duke, "I thought the same thing myself the first few times I saw it, but then I began thinking…maybe it IS possible for people to change. I mean…I know _I_ like happy endings, and if the transvestite alien didn't fall for the—"

"But suppose for a minute, that _you_ were the Maharaja…would you still feel the same way about Frank ending up with the penniless writer? OOPS! I mean **_sitar player_**!"

"Well…I suppose I would prefer it if Frank ended up with me…but since I'm not the Maharaja, and this play isn't anything at all like real life, I don't have to worry about something like that." The Duke explained, smiling gleefully.

"Hmm…I still think it's too unrealistic that Frank would end up with Christian…OOPS! I mean penniless writer! OOPS! I mean **_sitar player_**!" the random harlot pressed on.

"…Are you alright? You seem kind of-"

"Frank's having an affair with Christian."

A moment passed, the entire world seemingly gone static as the Duke sat in stunned silence, running those six words through his feeble mind.

"ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG! (1)" the Duke lamented, cursing his own blissful ignorance.

Soon the rehearsal ended and we waited for the Duke's final approval. Finally he stood and curtly stated his mind.

"I don't like this ending."

I sighed heavily and shot daggers with my eyes at the Duke, because I, for one, considered it to be my Magnum Opus, and just because he happened to be financing the entire thing didn't mean he had to be a little hussy about every little thing he didn't like.

"Why would the commitment-phobic transvestite alien fall for the sitar player? I think he should fall for the maharaja. Besides swimming in money, he would get all the no-strings sex he wanted and never have to worry about talking about his feelings. That's _real _love."

"Uuuggghhhh! Uuuggh!" said Rocky (Translation: "But that ending does not uphold the bohemian ideals of truth, beauty, freedom, and wuv-(2)")

"I don't care about your ridiculous dogma! Why wouldn't the transvestite alien end up with the maharaja!"

"BECAUSE IT DOESN'T LOVE YOU!" I shouted.

Everyone turned their heads sharply to me.

"Him….it doesn't…it doesn't love _him_…"

"Fix the story, and have the transvestite alien end up with the Maharaja…or you can kiss your play good-bye." The Duke coolly said, before walking out of the theatre.

---

I met Frank backstage after we had finished for the day.

"Did you see how the Duke was behaving this morning? I've never met a man with so many arms!" he said, the very thought making his skin crawl.

"I don't want you to sleep with him."

"Christian, darling, for the first time in my life, I can honestly say I don't either. But I must. It's either that or get a (_gag_) real job. Besides, if the Duke took back his financial support, everyone here would lose their jobs…do you really want me to be responsible for all of that?"

"Well," I stammered, suddenly feeling as if the entire world had been placed on our shoulders. "No, I guess not…"

"Of course not! It's bad enough that everyone here hates me because I'm better than they are, I really don't need something as simple as me getting them all fired making it worse. Trust me, Christian, it's for the best; it won't mean a thing to me…not that it ever does, really…but it will mean even less to me than all those thousands of other men…and women…and people of indeterminate gender…"

I placed my finger to his burgundy lips, hoping to any and every Deity in existence that he would shut up.

"All right Frank, I believe you. I…trust you." I whispered, nearly choking on the words.

He smiled at me, so softly I almost missed the shadows lurking in the corners of his lips.

"That's my good boy. You know you're the only one for me…plus, you've got the tightest ass I've ever come across (3)."

"Oh Frank, you say the sweetest things."

---

Meanwhile the Duke had met up with Zidler for an emergency meeting involving the future of the Moulin Rouge.

"It's certainly not that I don't understand Christian's admiration of Frank, in fact I understand it very well. But as I recall, I'm the one that put a hefty deposit down on Frank several weeks ago, not Christian, and I'm the one that is making sure Frank is keeping his job, not Christian, and _I'M_ the one that owns Frank now, _not_…_Christian_." He strained out, a repulsive vein bulging out of his sweaty forehead. "I'll let their past infidelities slide this time, but rest assured Zidler, if I find out about any more funny business going on behind my back…I will have the boy killed." he whispered, a sinister gleam flashing in his eyes rivaling Franks when he gets out the Royal Butler.(4)

"Yes, of course my dear Duke. I'll have Christian resign from the project today."

"Good. Because if I see him around here ever again…I will retract all of the investments I have made in this show."

"ZOMGosh…" Zidler gulped.

* * *

**_(1) - Charlie Brown_ **

_**(2)- I couldn't help it. Shoot me.**_

_**(3)-(perverted smile) Double entendres are great**_

_**(4)- Err...XD (sweatdrop)**_

(_Passes out_) I hope it won't be another two years before I can spew forth another chapter. Who knows?

Flames welcome.

Bye! XD


	8. Even Smiling Makes My Face Ache

Disclaimer: I OWN ROCKY HORROR AND MOULIN ROUGE!!! in my dvd library. But that's all :/

AN: "I hope it won't be another two years before I can spew forth another chapter. Who knows?" Well it wasn't. It's been four years. WTF is wrong with me? Actually I did write this chapter quite some time ago, but wanted to make it longer. I never got around to it and have decided to just post it as is to get it over with. The good news is, there should only be one more chapter after this and then it will be over. So, I guess I'll see you guys in ten years.

* * *

That very night Zidler scurried over to Frank to tell him of the threats the Duke had made.

"Don't you understand?! If you don't break it off with Christian, the Duke is going to kill him!"

"_Kill_ him?" Frank was genuinely taken aback by this. Images of my…_ass_ets…flashed in his mind.

"Tsk, and he has such a wonderful, perky ass, too. That would just be a terrible loss." He shook his head at the thought.

"And even worse, he's going to take back all of his investments! Please, for the love of humanity, you must break up with Christian!"

Frank heaved a sigh as he gave it some thought. Yes, the sex was excellent, but in the great multitude of people in the world, he was bound to meet somebody with an even tighter butt, right?

/_Oh, who am I kidding?_/ He admitted to himself. /_There's __**nobody**__ with a nicer ass than Christian. So for the sake of preserving it, I __**must**__ drop him like a hot potato./_

"Alright." Frank told Zidler. "I'll do it. I'll go to Christian and tell him that it's over." He dabbed at his misty eyes with a hankie. Damn allergies…

He waltzed over to his wardrobe and grabbed a feather boa to wrap around his shoulders and made his way over to my apartment.

"Frank!" I cried as he emerged through my door.

"Christian." He greeted me coldly. I knew something was wrong when he didn't immediately stick his tongue in my mouth, or his hand down my pants.

"After you went home today, the Duke approached me, and…flashed me. Christian, he's just _so_ much bigger than you are, there's no way I can pass that up. Yes, his face is revolting, but as long as I can put a paper bag over it…"

"That can't be true!" I interrupted. I saw right through his story. Frank was top so only the tightness of our asses mattered to him! "Something else is the matter. Tell me what it is, please!" I begged him, but he just turned his back to me.

"I'm telling the truth. I told you before…I can't fall in love with anybody. I was only using you, and now your time is up." He said without looking at me.

"I know that you're lying, please tell me what's really going on!"

"Just accept the truth, Christian. And don't come after me." He ordered as he bit his knuckle and ran out of my apartment without looking back.

I was dumbfounded. He had to be lying. There's no way I would just accept that so easily, so I ran out of the building towards the Moulin Rouge.

"Frankie!" I stood in front of the cabaret and shouted at the top of my lungs. "Frankiiieeee!"

I continued to scream until a large man in an ugly jean vest came and punched me out. I awoke later in my bed with Riff-Raff and Magenta by my side.

"It vas for ze best." Magenta said to me. It wasn't very comforting since her voice completely lacked emotion.

"Yes. Romances with Frank always end in disaster." Riff-Raff added. He's one to talk, considering who he's dating.

"You aren't helping. Just go." I told them. They certainly didn't hesitate to leave.

I continued to lay on my bed, consumed by depression.

Something just wasn't right. I couldn't rest until I found out what it was.

I had to return to the Moulin Rouge… one…last…time.


End file.
